The Year That is Now...

Wow!

Fast forward to a year after...

By some stroke of faith, I decided to check if I still have blogs left...and tadaa!!! here were are! It's still online. Well, thank you mcdonald's online - I was supposed to order online but i forgot my credentials - ended up retrieving passwords and well, curiosity got the best of me.

I have been itching for months to continue my blogging ...but ya know...life took over!

But I have a lot of reasons now to blog.

1st...I am expecting a  baby soon...i am 35 weeks pregnant, yes...about to burst in a couple of weeks!
2nd..I am now married...to the most unexpected yet wonderful person with the kindest heart i know.

Lots of things to tell especially on what happened in the past year...but for now, i have attend to my growling stomach...im hungry like a giant!

See you all soon!

Self Respect and Dignity

When we continue to let someone in our lives repeatedly hurt us, we are saying to them that they matter more to us than our self-respect and our dignity. In order to take a stand for ourselves we must be willing to part ways with people whom we know that we’ve given a significant amount of chances to. Though letting go can sometimes cause us a lot of pain, it’s necessary for us to provide the best future possible for ourselves.

/re -posted from the web, don't know who the author is, but if you do, let me know/

No Regrets

I'm not grieving and mourning as what I have anticipated.
Maybe because I was preparing myself of things to come long before it happened.

What I saw and uncovered last Tuesday dawn was just a confirmation of my gut-feel.
I felt the sting of pain but that was just it - a sting.
I couldn't even say it was a blow.

There are moments where I feel weak and miss the person...but I always bounce back instantly.

I have never been as sure with my decision to leave quietly as I am right now.
I am leaving things behind, no looking back, no regrets.

Closure? I already had mine.
And him? God bless his soul...may he go forward as I am speeding ahead.
Being kept in the dark, cheated on does not need any sort of closure.
I take it as it is, logic now tells me to move on

No regrets for loving someone who needed to be loved...
No regrets for choosing happiness...
No regrets for leaving at all behind and fixing myself...
No regrets...for all that has happened are part of the destiny that awaits me.

...Was Never Mine...

I avoided blogging for many weeks now.
I tried to suppress all that I am still feeling...
...I feel that there is a lump in my heart that has been trying to get out and it's getting bigger and bigger inside.

They said that to move on, we should try not to dwell in the past...to let go of it and not think about it anymore...
...But how can you NOT think about it when it is the only thing that matters?
How can you possibly let go of something...when it has never been yours?

It Burns!

The last time I was in the same predicament, my fingers were itching their way to my laptop everyday for a fresh new article.This time around, I have nothing to tell..I've completely dried myself up for things to say...

...that's what I thought...

But the truth is, I've completely bled out. All spent up...with all the roller coaster rides I've put myself into...I'm just simply out of energy. All my energy and resources in the past have been spent on the wrong things, wrong goals and the wrong people.

It took another slap in my consciousness to get my shit together.

I've cried myself to sleep too many times already...and I still keep doing the same damn thing! Putting myself out there - being vulnerable without a back up plan till someone came along and made me his back up plan - the worst part was...I completely turned a blind eye - closed all my senses so I could live in the fantasy that prince charming finally has arrived - WRONG!

There is no prince charming...it was all just in my imagination. I was too busy building a fantasy around me that I could not see for myself for what it really was.

Reality bites hard...and it stings...and it burns.

For You

I've gotten a lot of feedback from a lot people with this new blog...mostly positive and encouraging ones...there are a few who feels that it was wrong to "find my way back" again to love after one has ended...

Just to make the story straight, I am not in any way looking for a replacement.

Finding my way back into love simply means loving myself more to be whole again - to be the same carefree person I was once before, albeit scarred  and broken.

When a love ends, it does not end good, regardless if it was a mutual decision between two people. You still get hurt in the end. However strong you might be, you still feel the sting of breaking up. But hey, what are you gonna do about it? Move on, right? NO. Moving on is not easy like flicking a switch. I am not saying you dwell in the past either...

When you find yourself in this predicament, you find reasons where there are none and you try your best to rationalize where thinking goes beyond expectations...it is but a natural reaction.

Finding yourself back into love is not easy.
Forgive yourself first. And forgiving oneself is not an easy feat.

Take time to heal, savor each hurt to be able to understand completely..

It may take a while, hell it may take months...but you are doing this for YOU.

Way Back into Love

Finding yourself in the snake pit is not easy...and it's not easy to get out as well...
But if you have the courage...however weak you may feel...you can always get yourself back up and away from that pit.

Life is not always easy for me...at least in my personal life...finding someone who understands where you come from and what you have been through is so difficult these days...and I always wonder why..when all I want is to be happy...that's what we all want, ain't it?

My experience and knowledge on love is not profound as other people may be...all I know is that when I'm in a situation where I find myself in love with someone I give it my all...

People say talking about it makes it easier to get by, others would say "you are dwelling in the past"...both may be true but maybe...this is my way of finding my way back into love.

Loving myself first is my goal right now...then maybe...just maybe...that someone will somehow come my way.